i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
