Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
