Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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