I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
