I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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