if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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