Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
