Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
