ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
