Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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