dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
