Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
