I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
