I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
