chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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