I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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