I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
