Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize