Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
