apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
