That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize