i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
