I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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