Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
