I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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