I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
