mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's always time for handjobs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
