its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
