how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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