We're facebook friends in real life
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
