When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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