Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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