We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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