I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
