wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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