someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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