Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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