you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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