If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
