I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last time i carry you out of a forest
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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