There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
