Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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