I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
