Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
