I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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