are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
