It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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