This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
