I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize