talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
