1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize