I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize