i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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