tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
