I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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