I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
