Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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