could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize