it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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