I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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