somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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