An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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