just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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