someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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