why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize