Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
