Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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