My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
